Friday, August 31, 2018
Hey Sibs! I wanted to put this together for us to, mainly right now, talk about Dad without his knowledge!:) Here, I want those who have seen him to report and those who are worried about him to tell us what you think. And, if you are traveling to see Dad, let us know. I, myself, am worried about him. I've had Mother be my spy and she seems to think he is deteriorating quite quickly. Weight in. Love you guys. Jen
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ReplyDeleteJen! I'm glad you whipped this together; seeing as this blog is more easily accessible than a private FB page or website, I'll use caution and general terms in what I write:)
DeleteDuring my family's visit last month, Dad looked much more slim than I recall from July 2017; he was much more frail. His split vision, which I believe hit him this past January?, has really delayed his recognition of people who approach him and his response is a bit sluggish. Plus, it brings imbalance and nausea, which affect mobility and appetite. Mother is very concerned with his weight loss, but based on some research (https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obesity/in-depth/bmi-calculator/itt-20084938) he is in the low to medium BMI range, which seems difficult for him to maintain. Mother has gone to great lengths to prepare foods that Dad likes and will keep down.
Above all, it's important to note that he has an inoperable brain tumor that will worsen his condition over time (which we've seen in the past year). His attitude is to not receive any medical intervention and live out the remainder of his life at home. He is very opposed to any treatment away from the home, which is why I am working with Mother to have health care assistance in the home to augment what Mother can provide.
He only has about 2-3 alert hours each day, based on what I observed while visiting for a few weeks and talking with Mother regularly on the phone; his activity is very limited. Thankfully, he has some energy to maintain a discussion and really enjoys talking about family adventures. Although his demeanor is not nearly as positive as it was just a year ago, he is still able to share a clever remark and maintain his humor, at times.
Dad doesn't talk frankly about his frail health and only focusing on his health must be depressing, so I typically ask Mother about his health and share family updates when talking with Dad. I also discuss shared memories with Dad, which seems to lift his spirits.
Although Dad hasn't responded well to me offering feedback, such as sleeping downstairs to avoid him having to climb the stairs daily, hopefully constant contact from all the siblings will help bring him around. Mother has certainly addressed several ideas to make the home more safe for Dad (getting an in home assessment, moving the bed downstairs, having Dad stay upstairs, make the home wheelchair friendly, etc.); however, he is very resistant to customizing the home to accommodate his condition. I can understand the mentality of wanting to maintain one's mobility to strengthen the body (such as going up and down stairs), but in his condition there are more safe exercises he can do.
My family plans to visit Washington next June (first week or so). We would like to visit in the next 6 months, but with us expecting boy number three in early February, we'll have to wait. I would travel alone if Dad's health is really poor before next June.
Buck here,
ReplyDeleteYeah dad isn’t doing too hot. I’ve kind of adopted the same aditude that he has concerning his condition and not stressing about it. There is no doubt he sits and he misery of his condition. But he is also not compliant to the idea of going anywhere to spend time with anyone. It’s a pretty depressing state really, but it is his choice to do so. Mom is doing a stellar job in keeping him satisfied, as much as she is able with his roller coaster of motivation. Last I spoke with him in person I told him I’m not worried about him, but would rather ensure mom has what she needs during this challenging time. I know how that must sound, but I am no longer burdening myself with the worries of how he is doing, but I also have the luxury of being 15 minutes away and I stop by most weeks to at least say hi. There is no doubt about it, he will not improve on his physical and mental state. I hope he will be here another two years, but honestly I’m worried he won’t see his 80th birthday.
Just got off the phone with mom. Dad told her that he weighs 135 pounds. She reminded me that dad does not want a feeding tube or any “artificial” help for prolongation of his health. I’m not sure what this means besides bad news in general, but we look forward to seeing those who can come in October!
ReplyDeleteSo I thought I would put in my two bits. We saw dad before we jumped ship this past summer in June. I was surprised at the weight dad had lost. He was able to climb up and down stairs slowly but he could manage it. His attitude wasn’t the best. There was a couple of times dad would tell mother just to let him die. A little sad to be honest because he is alert when you talk to him and he enjoys talking about past family get togethers. When we were there dad was up at about 0800 and would eat a little something then sit in his chair. I think he enjoyed having voices and extra bodies in the home. I took some time to sit and talk with him and it was nice. He would remember stuff and had good questions. After a bit he would doze off and sleep for awhile. He slept a lot more than I remember. I recommend to mother to bring their grandkids over instead of leaving dad for the couple of days. I think the longer he spends by himself the worse he gets it gives him time to think of his situation and get depressed. I love the man and I hate to see him be so anxious to leave this world. I think more calls and stuff would be good for him but in the end it’s all up to him. Love you guys
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